Humor & Things
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A Little humor is good for the soul and body.  If you have a favorite story you would like to share with the members, send it to me at 

                                   Old Jokes

   An Elderly couple visited the doctor together.  Afterwards the doctor called them into his office to discuss their general condition.  "Your health is good for your advanced age, but both of you are showing signs of short term memory, and perhaps you should develope ways to counter act the problem," he explained.  The couple went home, and were considering it, when the wife exclaimed "I have it, we will write everything down on paper."  Later that evening while watching TV, the husband gets up and heads for the kitchen.  "Where are you going!", the woman asks.  He says " I'm going to the kitchen."  "Bring me back some ice cream, and you better write it down!"  "I don't need to write it down, its just a simple request", he answered.  About 10 minutes he returns with eggs and bacon, and hands it to her.  "You old fool.  I told you to write it down!  You forgot my toast!!"





   Old is when your friends compliment you on your alligator shoes, and you are bare footed.


Old is when a beautiful woman catches your eye, and your pacemaker makes garage doors go up.

                                     Marriage Jokes


A woman jumps out of her car, runs inside her house and shouts to her husband, "Honey, I won the lottery! Pack your bags!" The husband says, "Wow! Should I pack for the beach or the mountains?"

"Doesn't matter," she says. "Just get the heck out!"

   One man said to his friend, “I left my wife after 25 years of marriage.”   His friend said “Really!  How did she take it?”  The man said “You know, you live with somebody 25 years and you don’t really know them.  I had no idea she could sing and do cart wheels at the same time!”


   A man bought himself a brand new Mercedes convertible car and he took off down I-95 doing 100 MPH, allowing the wind blow through what hair he had left.  And he said, “This is great!”  He pressed down on the accelerator and was soon going 120 MPH.  Suddenly there was a highway patrolman behind him with red lights flashing and sirens blaring.  He floor boarded it, and soon was doing 150 MPH.  Then he comes to his senses and said, “What am I doing?  I can’t out run the patrolman, the guy has a radio.” 

   So he pulls over to the side of the road and waits for the trooper to catch up.  The trooper pulled up behind him and got out and walked up behind the Mercedes and said ”Mister, my shift ends in 30 minutes, it is Friday the 13th, and I’m tired.  If you can give me one good reason, a reason I’ve never heard of before, as to why you were speeding, I’m going to let you go.”

   And the man said, “Last year, my wife ran off with a State Trooper, and I thought you were him trying to bring her back!”  And the trooper said “Off you Go!  Have a nice day!”



    A middle-aged woman has a heart attack, and while she was on the operating table, she has a near death experience and comes to the presence of God, and said, “Am I going to die?”  And God answered “No! You are going to live another 40 years.”  She recovers, and decides she is going to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, have liposuction, tummy tuck, and dye her hair and have various kinds of augmentation and beautifying treatments.  She said, hey, if I am going to live another 40 years, I might as well make the most of it.

    She walks out of the hospital and gets run over by an ambulance.  She arrives at the gate of heaven, and says “Hey!  I thought you said I had another 40 years!”  And God said, “ I’m sorry, I didn’t recognize you!”

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